what's with *today* today

suicideblonde:

OH MY GOD THAT WAS ONE TIME

It was already too late…

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

The Iron Giant is on.

The last half.

Cool, thanks, HBO Family. I wanted to cry super a lot when I got home from work.

fishingboatproceeds:

Announcement: Henceforth my tumblr will be a Prince George Appreciation Blog.

nebachanezar:

The real plot line of 30 Rock.

Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag
12,557 plays

percepto:

The most ’90s sentence ever: […] I went to a party with Jason Priestley, who I was dating at the time. We went to a party at Ricki Lake’s house, and she freaked out when she saw me.

Also, Teen Witch is the shit.

Maureen left me a voice mail a while ago. That I have saved, and paraphrased below.

"Just called to tell you about this dream I had. I was dating Tobey Maguire. Not Tobey Maguire the actor, like he was playing a part. We were dating and going to get maaarried. And I woke up in the middle of the night and went ‘what was THAT?!’ It was the most BORING dream ever. And of all the celebrities to show up it was HIM. The crummiest of celebrities. It was awful. UGH. Just thought you’d appreciate that. BYE!”

capt-johnsmith:

Why should I die? Would I be more noticed than I ever was before? Would the things I’ve said and done matter anymore?

Cinderella never asked for a prince. She asked for a night off and a dress.
Kiera Cass (via heart-spark)

gallifreyanturtles:

And let’s talk about the fact that Joseph Gordon Levitt himself said the point of the movie is not so you’d feel bad for him and fall in love with him, it’s so you’d realize how selfish some people are.
Actual quote from him from an interview:
The (500) Days of Summer attitude of ‘He wants you so bad’ seems attractive to some women and men, especially younger ones but I would encourage anyone who has a crush on my character to watch it again and examine how selfish he is.”
"He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. He thinks she’ll give his life meaning because he doesn’t care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.”